[[*---Virtu contro al Furore---*]]

Friday, August 13, 2004

______________________________

have i lost myself?
i don't know.
someone said this today. "oh he's just pissed cause he didn't top the class."
perhaps i would like to rationalize that.
perhaps i would want to explain it away.
but then again, perhaps its true.
i'm obsessed. obsessed with grades, marks, acad stuff.
have i really changed from the bad old days of sec 2 where i went around parading my intelligence? maybe not.
but if you think about it, is it all really worth it? someday we're gonna grow up, as scary as it might sound, and we're gonna have to deal with the harsh realities of life.
and lets face it. working real hard or being real intelligent isn't gonna get u that far.
as i see it, its a combination of who you know, as well as the 2 factors up there. time and place play a very important factor too.
so is it really all that?
i aspire to be a doctor. yet i don't see myself as some super specialist, or at least not the kind loo had to pay 3k for 20 mins of consultation. but not a GP either.
that all being said and done, i don't actually see myself in a supremely high position in life. i mean i 'm comfortable staying right where i am, somewhere decent.
i guess i brought it all on myself. if merv daos my email i won't mind. it's not that justified at any rate.
perhaps if i really sit down and start thinking, i would see my life and how shallow it really is.
i go around, do stuff with friends, and all that, but does it really mean anything inside? i can't really feel so. somehow i keep feeling that all my friends are accomodating me, that somehow they act.... different? when i'm around. i don't really know lar. it just seems to be that way.
one thing seems sure to me, and that is i'm not doing enough that will count for eternity.
so what have you done with your life?
i haven't accomplished much with mine.
all those awards, those grades, those studies, somehow i cling to them. to knowledge. cause i don't have enough beneath it. nothing. nothing but a hollow core carved out in a small little niche of the class.
if i disappeared today, would anybody miss me?
would i be ready to meet my maker?
would i be able to say i have no regrets?
would i leave behind unfinished business?
would i be able to say "i've lived my life to the fullest" ?
would god say "welcome, my good and faithful servant?"

i don't think so. there's not enough left in this shell, to compose anything worthy to show.
so what have you done today?

Skillet - Imperfection

You're worth so much
It'll never be enough
To see what you have to give
How beautiful you are
Yet seem so far from everything
You're wanting to be
You're wanting to be

Tears falling down again
Tears falling down

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you're drowning
In your imperfection

You mean so much
That heaven would touch
The face of humankind for you
How special you are
Revel in your day
You're fearfully and wonderfully made
You're wonderfully made

Tears falling down again
Come let the healing begin

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you're drowning
In your imperfection

You're worth so much
So easily crushed
Wanna be like everyone else
No one escapes
Every breath we take
Dealing with our own skeletons, skeletons

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you're drowning
In your imperfection

Won't you believe, yeah
Won't you believe, yeah
All the things I see in you

You're not the only one
You're not the only one
Drowning in imperfection

[[ Sagacious Musings ]]*|6:09 PM|

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