[[*---Virtu contro al Furore---*]]

Friday, October 15, 2004

______________________________

oh just look at the time. the night is young!
ok nvm. i just finished my main IRS *whew* but still havta do poster... sianz majorly...
kinda realized that once i lack inspiration and passion to do a job well, or at least motivation to complete it per se, then it becomes totally undone. need i count how many physics worksheets i have not handed in, as well as advanced math? i only did some advanced math WS cause i needed them. guess i still need more of them, as my rather dismal adv math exam would attest.
physics... exam was easy but i wouldn't count on it in the future.... more practice required.
i guess i need to work harder next year. yes i know that's what everyone says, but they never really carry out till the Os or As or some other major exams are breathing down their neck... and for us that's like in 3 years time in IB 2 where we really need to cheong.... but otherwise, i'm sure that most of us would be content to slack the entire time away, playing most of the time and working on select occasions when it is required... yet even then some would slack off when work is required... and so they go on, meandering on aimlessly through life.
people say that we should not focus on grades, that they aren't everything. but let's face it. they aren't everything only when we're talking less acad jobs, less studious areas, areas that require less expertise and more innate skill.... like being some super pro debater would only be useful when ur talking for applying for law at uni....
so people might say i'm wrong, and yes you have your own opinions, and i have mine. but for me, grades are everything. not everything that totally consumes my life in some relentless effort to top them all, but everything in terms of what i strive for in school. afterall, work is work, play is play, and my work are my grades. solely. my play is lots of other stuff that i can't be enamored to numerate here. yet i feel, that if you go to school, and meander on, with no real conceivable goal, without a target, without something to strive towards, then why even come? why school? why learn stuff? we might as well just come here and do nothing but socialize the whole day, and nothing more.
so i feel that we need a point to come to school and learn stuff. no, its not just that that will advance our education and become smarter, and get a btter job because of our qualification. i think we all need to set academic targets, at least for our personal selves, based on our ability and our potential given that we work hard.
i suppose i have a cap. i can't seem to break past the 90 limit, for maths and some humans liek geog which is super easy. i mean for science perhaps 90 is a little unrealistic, and maybe it's not. but i feel that in part, i have not worked to my full potential. considering that both my CCAs are not very strenuous, and my part in each is more bit than otherwise, even though i do try to make it down all the time.
friends? friends to me are part of fun. well its ok to have fun, and go out and socialize and all that, but i also feel that all things really do have a limit. sure, you wanna go watch this and that, fine, you wanna go shop, fine, and all that. but yet, somehow i feel that if that is the beginning and the end of our entire school experience... somehow we lose something.
i suppose not everyone feels good trying to challenge their limits in productive activities (i know that lots of people challenge their limits all the time in non-productive activities though). yet i can't really imagine myself just meandering on just like everyone else, with no conceivable goal.
my grades are already considerably good. yet perhaps as my own standards dictate, or as my mother has pointed out so many times, i can do better. it's true. would you like to know how much i really study? how much i studied for EOYs? i'll be surprised if i studied more than 15 hours for EOYs for everything except chinese (think i took bout 12-15 hours for chinese alone =X) yea that's lang arts nothing (it's not muggable) HCL 12-15 hours, Core math/Adv math 5 hours, Physics/Geog 5 hours, Chem/IHS 5 hours. yups so about 15 hours max. i know lots of people studied more than i did (or claimed to, at least). yet for whatever reasons, i feel more confident of scoring more than a good erm... 90% of the rest of the geps? (that's 54 pple) so yea...
are you done? you ask me. no, i answer you. i'll prove to you all, that however ego you think i am, i got the stuff to back it up all the damn way. all the way to the top. nothing less, nothing less.
so i may say this now, and you all may not believe me. i know many people do this kinda thing every year and yet never really get around to working harder. yes song, i know, that's what we all say the first few weeks of the year, and we never get around to doing it.
but i have pple i can group work with well. i have my groupwork all done and dusted with respect to team members.
personally, i just need to strive harder, even as i encourage others. i always say others will do well, and yes i do mean it when i say i think you will do well. cause we can all do well if we try hard enough, and how do i know how hard you tried? well your results. and before that, i can well say that i think you will do well. if you bother. if you try and give your all.
me? so maybe you may say whatever you want. but i believe in natural caliber.
some people are born a .22. some are born a .45. others are born a 32-inch battleship cannon. where do you stand?
even then, a 32-inch cannon will still misfire if it has faulty ammo. so that's where our working hard is. it gives us the propellant to go out guns blazing, to strike out respect and awe.
is there a cap? yes there is a cap. its called full marks.
so watch out next year. i'm looking out for number one.
and i'll be damned if i don't give mun (and moh and bryan) a run for their money.
perhaps i should be like nat and do some revision in this hols. brush up a little on my dismal A math. it needs lots of help. perhaps i should get math tuition? i dunno.
but at the end of the day, i want to at least craft my own ladder. and keep climbing up. my tuition teacher said she had a feeling i was destined for great things.
damn sure. all people who are self-motivated and strive do become great people. and the reverse is true - no slaggard will ever lead a country.
i guess it's all about what you can bring. i have not much to boast about in CCA achievement. not like josh.
so at the end of the IB, what can i bring to universities like stanford, MIT, harvard, yale, princeton et al? my CCA? but yet it isn't too good now, and i don't think it can really improve that much.
so there's only 1 thing i can bring. a perfect score. 45 points. nothing else of significance. and none will be needed. will they argue with a perfect score? would NUS argue with 4 As at A levels?
nope.
here we go. slacking is slacking. but things must change, and they will change soon. so make a little way, and reserve a seat for me. i'll be there in no time.

[[ Sagacious Musings ]]*|3:32 AM|

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